So I've been thinking about Katelin's post ever since she put it up the other day (yes, I read all your posts, guys, even though I rarely comment), and I feel like I have to just put this out there.
I have an eating disorder. I know this. I've known this for years. For decades. It's not one that has a fancy name - not that I know of, that is - but I have a totally unhealthy relationship with food. Katelin mentioned that she contemplated throwing up her food but that she didn't actually do it. I have done that, though I haven't done it in about 15 years. I went through a "phase" in college where I was pretty much anorexic-bulimic; I hardly ate anything, but I had a cabinet with several bottles of Ipecac and a toothbrush dedicated to gagging myself. I never did the binge part, just the purge part. And while I was studying opera!! Sheesh. I didn't do it for long, but I recognize that I had then - and still have today - a totally unhealthy relationship with food. For instance, today I had some scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I haven't eaten since. And I only ate those because my son decided he didn't want them after I'd made enough for both kids. I often will subsist only on coffee until dinnertime. And, although my logical brain is telling me that this very well may be a contributing factor to my not having lost any weight since Thanksgiving, there is another part of my brain that quietly congratulates my will power to not eat (cue that eating disorder bell).
The thing is, I want to have a good relationship with food. I just have no idea how to get there.
I have an eating disorder. I know this. I've known this for years. For decades. It's not one that has a fancy name - not that I know of, that is - but I have a totally unhealthy relationship with food. Katelin mentioned that she contemplated throwing up her food but that she didn't actually do it. I have done that, though I haven't done it in about 15 years. I went through a "phase" in college where I was pretty much anorexic-bulimic; I hardly ate anything, but I had a cabinet with several bottles of Ipecac and a toothbrush dedicated to gagging myself. I never did the binge part, just the purge part. And while I was studying opera!! Sheesh. I didn't do it for long, but I recognize that I had then - and still have today - a totally unhealthy relationship with food. For instance, today I had some scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I haven't eaten since. And I only ate those because my son decided he didn't want them after I'd made enough for both kids. I often will subsist only on coffee until dinnertime. And, although my logical brain is telling me that this very well may be a contributing factor to my not having lost any weight since Thanksgiving, there is another part of my brain that quietly congratulates my will power to not eat (cue that eating disorder bell).
The thing is, I want to have a good relationship with food. I just have no idea how to get there.