Been thinking a lot lately. Too much thinking, not enough working out. I should think while I work out.
I've been at the same weight since I started. I go up, I go down, not by much. I freaked out the other day after magically gaining 3lbs overnight. It went away, and I know it was from over indulging the other night. My parents' cooking is just too good.
I haven't worked out in a week. New motivator though-my fiance's oldest son is getting a membership at my gym, so I'll have a work out buddy.
I've been feeling a lot of defeat lately. I mean A LOT. I'm realizing more and more everyday that my job is not cutting it anymore. My financial standings are terrible and as I stand right now, I can't support my fiance and myself on my salary right now. And I'm not the only one who feels that way at work. I did some research, and I found out I'm basically in the bottom 10 percentile salary wise. And Illinois is supposed to be the second best state in the nation for bench jeweler wages. Now, side note-I don't know if you could technically call me a bench jeweler. I don't really know what you'd call me. But all the research I've done has shown me no matter what you call me, I'm poor.
So what do I do? I'm honestly terrified of getting a new job. I love what I do. I love the people I work with-they're truly like the 12 older/younger brothers I never had...except for the one brother I do have. I love being able to work with my brother.
But that's not where it stops. My eating habits and work out habits (or lack thereof) have...I do really well at work. But when I come home, I devour everything and I can't explain it. I've been maintaining. I've not gone over 130. And I keep telling myself "Well if I go over 130 then I know I really need to get down to business". BULL$4!+ !!!!!!! Seriously?! Why don't I just do it now? What's stopping me from really trying now? Where did my motivation go? I don't understand!
My thoughts? When I first really started, really got serious, really watched and worked, I had an amazing opportunity in front of me. My fiance and I were cast in a touring show, we were set to go to South Carolina, Seattle, and Tacoma, and there was talk of performing on a cruise in October after our first 3 stops. I was offered the part I auditioned for, if I didn't mind losing 20lbs for the part. My resume said I was at 145lbs, which was a lie. I was still sitting at 150lbs. But the offer was amazing, I couldn't pass it up, and I was stoked not only to get the part, but to have such an amazing motivation for dropping the weight and getting back into shape.
I worked and worked, ate right, took care of myself. And by July 26th, the day before my last day of work, I was 133lbs. I was 8lbs away from my goal. Then we found out our show was cancelled. A week before we were supposed to leave. We were devistated.
Plans were unmade, rearranged, David moved in...but I still kept going. I got down to 123lbs, I felt and looked great. I put my Health Bridge account on hold since I thought we were leaving, and never bothered to undo that-four months without the monthly charge would be a nice break. I ran outside, didn't bother me. But then the weather got colder and colder, and I ran less and less. Last year, the last time I ran was a Sunday in October when I ran my 5k. Then Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and New Years...
Fast forward to now, and...my motivation is gone, I'm depressed and sad and stressed all the time. I can't focus. I can't see my goals anymore. And I feel like crap all the time, not only because of all ...this... but because I feel like all I do is whine on my blog about how things aren't going well. The loss of our acting gig also lead to where I stand financially. We were both counting on that money (we were going to make bank in 2 months) to pay for a lot of things. Like all the gas I put on my credit card, the new luggage I put on my credit card, all the necessaries we'd bought for the trip...that I put on my credit card. Now I'm stuck in the same position I found myself before all this happened. I know I need change in my life, I know I need to take a more positive attitude towards things, I know basically everything I need to do to make myself happy again. So why don't I do it? Why can't I take those steps again and get back into healthy habits? Healthy thinking. Healthy being.....
bragh
I've been at the same weight since I started. I go up, I go down, not by much. I freaked out the other day after magically gaining 3lbs overnight. It went away, and I know it was from over indulging the other night. My parents' cooking is just too good.
I haven't worked out in a week. New motivator though-my fiance's oldest son is getting a membership at my gym, so I'll have a work out buddy.
I've been feeling a lot of defeat lately. I mean A LOT. I'm realizing more and more everyday that my job is not cutting it anymore. My financial standings are terrible and as I stand right now, I can't support my fiance and myself on my salary right now. And I'm not the only one who feels that way at work. I did some research, and I found out I'm basically in the bottom 10 percentile salary wise. And Illinois is supposed to be the second best state in the nation for bench jeweler wages. Now, side note-I don't know if you could technically call me a bench jeweler. I don't really know what you'd call me. But all the research I've done has shown me no matter what you call me, I'm poor.
So what do I do? I'm honestly terrified of getting a new job. I love what I do. I love the people I work with-they're truly like the 12 older/younger brothers I never had...except for the one brother I do have. I love being able to work with my brother.
But that's not where it stops. My eating habits and work out habits (or lack thereof) have...I do really well at work. But when I come home, I devour everything and I can't explain it. I've been maintaining. I've not gone over 130. And I keep telling myself "Well if I go over 130 then I know I really need to get down to business". BULL$4!+ !!!!!!! Seriously?! Why don't I just do it now? What's stopping me from really trying now? Where did my motivation go? I don't understand!
My thoughts? When I first really started, really got serious, really watched and worked, I had an amazing opportunity in front of me. My fiance and I were cast in a touring show, we were set to go to South Carolina, Seattle, and Tacoma, and there was talk of performing on a cruise in October after our first 3 stops. I was offered the part I auditioned for, if I didn't mind losing 20lbs for the part. My resume said I was at 145lbs, which was a lie. I was still sitting at 150lbs. But the offer was amazing, I couldn't pass it up, and I was stoked not only to get the part, but to have such an amazing motivation for dropping the weight and getting back into shape.
I worked and worked, ate right, took care of myself. And by July 26th, the day before my last day of work, I was 133lbs. I was 8lbs away from my goal. Then we found out our show was cancelled. A week before we were supposed to leave. We were devistated.
Plans were unmade, rearranged, David moved in...but I still kept going. I got down to 123lbs, I felt and looked great. I put my Health Bridge account on hold since I thought we were leaving, and never bothered to undo that-four months without the monthly charge would be a nice break. I ran outside, didn't bother me. But then the weather got colder and colder, and I ran less and less. Last year, the last time I ran was a Sunday in October when I ran my 5k. Then Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and New Years...
Fast forward to now, and...my motivation is gone, I'm depressed and sad and stressed all the time. I can't focus. I can't see my goals anymore. And I feel like crap all the time, not only because of all ...this... but because I feel like all I do is whine on my blog about how things aren't going well. The loss of our acting gig also lead to where I stand financially. We were both counting on that money (we were going to make bank in 2 months) to pay for a lot of things. Like all the gas I put on my credit card, the new luggage I put on my credit card, all the necessaries we'd bought for the trip...that I put on my credit card. Now I'm stuck in the same position I found myself before all this happened. I know I need change in my life, I know I need to take a more positive attitude towards things, I know basically everything I need to do to make myself happy again. So why don't I do it? Why can't I take those steps again and get back into healthy habits? Healthy thinking. Healthy being.....
bragh