3/1/12 247.2
Pounds lost doing SpireSpire: 78.1
Pounds lost in March: .7
Pounds lost in April: 3.5
Pounds lost in May: 7.0
Pounds lost in June: 7.1
7/7/13 152.3
7/14/13 150.8
The fact that I lost anything at all is a mystery to me. I didn't get on the scale much this week (which is SO uncharacteristic of me), and I felt like I was gaining. I deserved a gain. I think I found a new trigger for overeating: resentment.
So let me tell you about this week. Up at 7 and then to work until 6, straight to Fiddler rehearsal until 11 and home around midnight. No time at home, no me time, no husband time, no time for exercise, no energy for anything but work and theater. Normally, I'm okay with that during a tech week. But as night after night of not enough sleep (I'm someone who needs a good eight hours to really feel rested) and the physical strain of working a job that is fairly stressful (I can feel the tension in my neck and shoulders all day long at work) and the frustration of working out the technical elements of a looooong and difficult show all added up- I developed a really bad attitude towards everything. I'd wake up and think "All these things I have to do before I get to come back to bed tonight? I don't want to do ANY of them. Except eat. That part will be okay." So because I wasn't enjoying work or rehearsal and I didn't have time to do other things I might enjoy, I took my enjoyment in food, and ended up eating a little more than I should. Not a LOT more. There were no binges, just a bunch of little indulgences, too many for one week. A handful of butterscotch chips (Umm, Mike and Amanda, I totally ate a handful of butterscotch chips from your pantry when I was letting out your dog one night. Those things are crazy delicious.), a big banana split at Sonic when I really should've gotten something small, going crazy on the cilantro-lime pasta at Sweet Tomatoes, a somewhat spontaneous trip to Epic Deli (I should NOT be going there when it isn't an Eat All the Things Day), polishing off some cheese popcorn leftover from the LAST Eat All the Things Day... if I'd just done one or two of those things, I'd shrug it off and do an extra workout to make up for it. But they were happening daily, and on reflection, I can pin them on resentment over the fact that I wasn't free to spend my time as I chose.
Putting it like that makes me sound like such a baby... no one forces me to do theater (although Chris might try if something came over me and I refused), and I usually know what I'm getting in for when I say yes to a show. The payoff of the performance and the closeness you develop with the cast are worth the effort you put in. And most grownups have to work full time, and many find their jobs stressful. But I usually think of myself as a pretty joyful person who likes her life and takes pleasure in a lot of things, and I didn't feel like that girl this week. My fellow castmates are lovely, friendly people and I was somewhat withdrawn and probably coming across as standoff-ish (it was just a lack of social energy). I was upbeat and positive at work because that's part of my job, but it was an act I couldn't wait to drop when I left the building. I turned to food, but it didn't fix it. It just made me feel guilty. And it reminded me how easy it is to fall back into a pattern of eating just a little too much every day.
I had a week like this a couple of months ago, where I feel like I overindulged every day, and I asked my fellow Getting There bloggers to hold me accountable to have six perfect days the following week. (Eat All the Things Day doesn't count.) I need to do that again. I will not get away with lackluster commitment two weeks in a row. So Monday through Saturday, I will drink all my water, eat moderately, and work out at least three times. I know how to do it, I'll have the time to do it, and I've just got to get it done. Cross your fingers for me! I'm so close to that 100 pound milestone I can taste it!