Starting Weight:174
Current Weight: 151.6
Starting BMI: 28.1
Current BMI: 24.5
For a brief moment this week I thought I might dip into the 140's, but it turns out that this week was a more important week for my soul.
After being sick all last week I was finally able to get out for a run on Tuesday, and it was great to be moving again. Then Wednesday I found out that my Grandma on my Dad's side had died. I was filled with mixed emotions. I had found out the week before that she had leukemia and had only a month to live, since I was sick I had waited to call her, and had planned on calling Wednesday evening. Obviously that didn't happen.
My relationship with my Grandmother was not typical. My immediate family has not been close with my Dad's family for various reasons (none of which need to be hashed out here), so while I had met and hung out with my Grandma (and my Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins) when I was REALLY young, I really haven't had any interaction with them since I was about 16. I had reached out to my Grandma and we had written letters (yes, real handwritten letters!) back and fourth for about 6 months-1 year about 4 or 5 years ago, but the correspondence kind of petered out (how many things can you say) and so even when something exciting did happen in my life, it was hard to find a reason to pick the pen back up.
So you might think that my Dad's family haven't meant much to me, but I have thought about them often, but how do you reach out for something when you don't know if you're wanted? My Grandma had given me a gold and turquoise ring when I was really young, and I wore it for years (well into my early 20's), partially because it was so pretty, and partially because I longed for a connection with her. When I got married, even though it didn't make any good sense to invite my Dad's family when we never talked, I did wear the pearls that my Grandma had given me on my 16th birthday to have some kind of connection there.
So back to this week.
Current Weight: 151.6
Starting BMI: 28.1
Current BMI: 24.5
For a brief moment this week I thought I might dip into the 140's, but it turns out that this week was a more important week for my soul.
After being sick all last week I was finally able to get out for a run on Tuesday, and it was great to be moving again. Then Wednesday I found out that my Grandma on my Dad's side had died. I was filled with mixed emotions. I had found out the week before that she had leukemia and had only a month to live, since I was sick I had waited to call her, and had planned on calling Wednesday evening. Obviously that didn't happen.
My relationship with my Grandmother was not typical. My immediate family has not been close with my Dad's family for various reasons (none of which need to be hashed out here), so while I had met and hung out with my Grandma (and my Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins) when I was REALLY young, I really haven't had any interaction with them since I was about 16. I had reached out to my Grandma and we had written letters (yes, real handwritten letters!) back and fourth for about 6 months-1 year about 4 or 5 years ago, but the correspondence kind of petered out (how many things can you say) and so even when something exciting did happen in my life, it was hard to find a reason to pick the pen back up.
So you might think that my Dad's family haven't meant much to me, but I have thought about them often, but how do you reach out for something when you don't know if you're wanted? My Grandma had given me a gold and turquoise ring when I was really young, and I wore it for years (well into my early 20's), partially because it was so pretty, and partially because I longed for a connection with her. When I got married, even though it didn't make any good sense to invite my Dad's family when we never talked, I did wear the pearls that my Grandma had given me on my 16th birthday to have some kind of connection there.
So back to this week.
When I first found out, I was sad, but I had no idea if I would go to the Wake and Funeral or not, unsure if my presence would cause any sort of pain (since I was going to be the only one from my family going), and I wasn't sure just how I felt. I went for a run, came home, and proceeded to get very upset. I was hurting for oh so many reasons, but mostly because I no longer had the ability to build a close relationship with her. After much back and fourth, I decided Thursday night that I would indeed take the trip up to Green Bay to say goodbye.
I was terrified that the weekend would be filled with uncomfortable moments. How would anyone take to me coming when I hand't been around for well over ten years? Chris and I started our 3 hour drive around 2:30, by 4:00 we hit some pretty major snow, and an hour and a half (and 5 cars slid off the side of the road and 1 turned on it's side) we made it to Green Bay, and after checking into the hotel, we headed to the wake.
When we got to the funeral home the wake service had already started, and I didn't know what to think (would they be upset with me for showing up so late?). I sat near the back of the room, stared off at my Grandma in the coffin, and grasped Chris' hand. A few minutes in my Cousin Katrina came to my side and gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming "Grandma knows you're here"... once the service was over it turned out that I didn't really have anything to fear. We spent some time talking to all of my family members, getting to know them, they had lots of questions (and for a bit I felt a little dumb for not asking more questions, but then I realized that I did ask about the same amount of questions, but I had more people to ask). It was only overwhelming for a little bit, then we settled in and it was like I had always been around.
That night we went back to my Uncle Mike and Aunt Cathy's house and just... Hung out (until 11pm!). My Aunts told stories about their childhood, Chris and I talked about how we met, we spent some time on some "would you rather" questions, and I played with my nieces. It was in a word, fantastic. I felt right at home, and Chris really hit it off well with my cousins. I am a little sad that I never really spent time with my Grandma, and that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye, but I learned so much about her when we were writing that I don't think I can say I never got to know her. And while I'm sad that her passing is what brought Chris and I up to Green Bay this weekend, I have to say that I'm so happy with how it all turned out. While I've lost my Grandma, I've gained 15 "new" family members, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them all better.
So, while I did not make it out for all my runs, and once again I'm skipping this week's long run. I'm counting the week as a win (plus not totally gorging myself in my sadness is always a plus). Some weeks are for your body, this week was for my soul.
I was terrified that the weekend would be filled with uncomfortable moments. How would anyone take to me coming when I hand't been around for well over ten years? Chris and I started our 3 hour drive around 2:30, by 4:00 we hit some pretty major snow, and an hour and a half (and 5 cars slid off the side of the road and 1 turned on it's side) we made it to Green Bay, and after checking into the hotel, we headed to the wake.
When we got to the funeral home the wake service had already started, and I didn't know what to think (would they be upset with me for showing up so late?). I sat near the back of the room, stared off at my Grandma in the coffin, and grasped Chris' hand. A few minutes in my Cousin Katrina came to my side and gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming "Grandma knows you're here"... once the service was over it turned out that I didn't really have anything to fear. We spent some time talking to all of my family members, getting to know them, they had lots of questions (and for a bit I felt a little dumb for not asking more questions, but then I realized that I did ask about the same amount of questions, but I had more people to ask). It was only overwhelming for a little bit, then we settled in and it was like I had always been around.
That night we went back to my Uncle Mike and Aunt Cathy's house and just... Hung out (until 11pm!). My Aunts told stories about their childhood, Chris and I talked about how we met, we spent some time on some "would you rather" questions, and I played with my nieces. It was in a word, fantastic. I felt right at home, and Chris really hit it off well with my cousins. I am a little sad that I never really spent time with my Grandma, and that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye, but I learned so much about her when we were writing that I don't think I can say I never got to know her. And while I'm sad that her passing is what brought Chris and I up to Green Bay this weekend, I have to say that I'm so happy with how it all turned out. While I've lost my Grandma, I've gained 15 "new" family members, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them all better.
So, while I did not make it out for all my runs, and once again I'm skipping this week's long run. I'm counting the week as a win (plus not totally gorging myself in my sadness is always a plus). Some weeks are for your body, this week was for my soul.
Kiss your loved ones, and good luck this week!